the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize