I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
