Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
