I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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