trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
