I'm laying in your front yard are you home
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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