No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
