she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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