you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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