I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
