Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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