Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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