ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
