: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Randomize
