The brown eye won't let me do that either.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
