So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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