Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
