Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
