I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize