Hey man sorry I got all grabby
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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