so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
