I never want to see another naked old woman again.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
