we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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