He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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