I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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