There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
