Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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