I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
