i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
