It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
