things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
