note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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