i may or may not be watching the land before time
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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