Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i already hear my dad disowning me
i barfeds in our rink
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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