I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
