they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
