I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize