did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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