Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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