My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
