I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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