You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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