mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
