dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
