careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
