dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
We need to get me chipped asap
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
