just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
