i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
