When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
