Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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