Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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