i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize