It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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