well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
