Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
