you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
