i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
