Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
