The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
