Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
