you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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