i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Randomize
