The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
