HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Is it penis luge time yet?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
