when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize