I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
