Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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