Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
